The London mistress glossary of BDSM, femdom and dominatrix terms and phrases
Dommes, Doms, Lifestyle D/s, Goddesses, CBT, Black Sheet Party. Learning the rules to the kinky game. We’ve all had to do it at some point, including those who are so long in the tooth they can’t remember those early days of discovery.
You only need to scratch the surface of the kinky world to start hearing terms that are very unfamiliar. Even those who’ve spent time in this dark underworld will be unfamiliar with plenty of lingo.
This is clearly not a comprehensive list of the kinky vocabulary. I’ll add more to it every so often. Think of it as light entertainment and inspiration for your next (or first) dealings with a dominatrix in London.
Relationship terms
Dominatrix / Domme / Madame / Mistress – A woman who pursues a professional path in the world of kink.
Doms – Refers to male dominants in a relationship. They tend not to be professional.
Sub / Submissive – A person (He, She, They) who explores the submissive path in kink.
Subgirl – It is often appropriate to refer to a female submissive as a subgirl, as sub has very masculine connotations.
Houseboy sub – An agreement whereby a male will live with a domme in exchange for keeping the house clean. May also include forms of financial domination
Switch – Someone who is fluid in between a submissive and dominant role.
Femdom – A female who is in the dominant role in a personal or professional relationship, demonstrating power and authority.
Brat – A submissive partner who’s deliberately difficult in an effort to encourage further punishment.
Lifestyle D/s – BDSM that extends beyond the professional or the finite scenes played out behind closed doors, becoming a part of the practitioners lifestyle.
Addressing a dominatrix
Ma’am / Miss – The default way to address a female dominant. Can be used in situations where a small level of respect is required. Often used in first contacts with professional mistresses.
Lady – A traditional title of respect. Best used in the earlier stages of a relationship with a professional mistress, showing that the submissive recognises Her as worthy of special praise and respect.
Princess – A title of respect for a younger Domme. Not often used in professional settings as less mature Dommes have yet to realise their full potential as a powerful woman.
Goddess – A title of respect for a Domme who has mastered her feminine powers and is able to fully command the obedience of submissives in her service.
Mistress – A title of respect for a Domme who displays confidence, skill and mastery in her dealings with submissives. Used predominantly for a dominant woman during kinky play or for a domination mistress who practices professionally but may also describe a dominant woman who has incorporated aspects of the BDSM world into her everyday life.
Queen – The highest title of respect for a dominant woman. Is likely to be used by professional mistresses and lifestyle D/s who are highly respected and revered by all.
Some types of femdom
Bondage – a form of restraint where the dominant party will use various devices to hold the submissive in place.
Bottom worship – dominance that revolves around the buttocks. Can include kissing, licking or massaging the mistress's butt. Is often mixed with femdom wrestling.
Chastity – the domination of a submissive through the management of access to their genitalia. Often used in the domination of male subs using strict discipline.
Cock-and-ball torture – Often referred to as CBT. It’s the practice of dominating a man by inflicting pain or discomfort on the penis and testicles.
Corporal punishment – a form of intended (but consensual) bodily harm on a submissive or slave. Can include slapping, whipping, beating, and spanking.
Cuckolding – traditionally a kinky for heterosexual couples, but can apply in the humiliation of submissives in a professional dominatrix session. Involves the female performing kinky acts in front of their subs in order to humiliate them.
Edging – a form of orgasm control. The dominant will take the submissive to the point of orgasm before withdrawing stimulation to prevent the release. Often used repeatedly to heighten the experience.
Electrostimulation – falling within a sub-category of BDSM called ‘edgeplay’ (with much crossover with CBT (cock and ball torture), it involves the use of electrical devices for stimulation.
Face sitting – an act of domination where a Domme / Dom will sit on the face of a submissive. Often the place where most newcomers to the BDSM scene start. May also be referred to as ‘queening’ or ‘kinging’.
Footdom / foot worship – dominance that revolves around feet or footwear. Includes (but not limited to) smelling, sucking, gagging, trampling, ballbusting and pegging.
Humiliation – the use of intense language to consensually degrade the submissive via name-calling and verbal abuse. Often used alongside impact play to add further insult to injury.
Masochism – a type of physical dominance where the Domme / Dom will inflict pain on a consenting submissive to trigger physical and emotional sensations for arousal. May also include verbal humiliation.
Ruining – a form of orgasm control where the Domme induces orgasm but immediately withdraws the stimulation, or distracts from it, in order to prevent the full sensory and emotional release of the orgasm.
Sapio play – Mindfuck games, at the beginning of play where nothing has happened yet. An intense buildup of excitement, terror and pleasure.
Watersports – dominance of a submissive with urine.
Rare terms and phrases
ABDL – Acronym for Adult Baby Daiper Lovers. Describes a group of people who enjoy wearing nappies for roleplaying.
Bastinado – The fancy term for striking the soles of the feet with a cane or whip
HuCow – Short for “Human Cow”, a fetish of treating submissives like cows. Milking/lactation and breeding are the most common elements of cow play.
Twue: A pejorative term used to mock kinksters who insist there’s only one ‘true’ way of doing the thing that they’re into. You might call someone a “twue dom” if they insist, for example, that the only real dominants are the ones who wear leather chaps.
Find a mistress in London
Have a look at our London mistress listings, where you can put some of these new terms on your vocabulary into practice during a session.
Written by:
Miss Jessica Wood
Founder of London Professional Mistresses and an Elite UK mistress.
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